The following is a stream-of-consciousness re-telling of my thoughts while sailing on a pirate-themed booze cruise in the Gulf of Mexico during my recent spring break trip to Cancun, Mexico. That long sentence should provide enough expository information for anyone to enjoy this post.
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7:30 p.m.
-Charging people $70/person for an all-you-can-drink pirate-themed booze cruise and steak dinner is the smartest pirate economic decision since Disney decided to throw Jerry Bruckheimer another bone to make Jack Sparrow look like Keith Richards.
7:47 p.m.
-This cruise seems like it'd be a really shitty Jimmy Buffett B-side.
8:15 p.m.
-Officially on the boat. The guy sitting next to me looks like he could be Kurt Russell's stunt double from "Captain Ron."
8:30 p.m.
-I see every character from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" on this cruise. Do you think this cruise has been officially licensed by Disney? If it hasn't, how "pirate" is it that this cruise operates without Disney's consent? Now that's a cruise that sticks to its theme.
8:44 p.m.
-I can't tell if the people working actually vehemently hate the job or not. I'm mixed lives. FTL (fuck their lives).
8:55 p.m.
-This cruise is gay. Like, G-A-Y. "Mamma Mia!" gay. We just went from our captain who looks like a Mexican John Waters singing Prince to having the entire ship line dance to Rick Astley.
9:00 p.m.
-Can I kick it?
9:13 p.m.
-Had we lost the Mexican-American War, would Mexico be considered a world-economic power due to its holding of more land and resources? or would it continue to struggle due to internal corruption?
9:15 p.m.
-I just mixed tequilla and Corona Extra with lime. I don't think my drink could be more Mexican if I gave it a sombrero and paid it to re-shingle my roof.
9:36 p.m.
-The group of "lads" sitting adjacent to me prove it is actually possible to be English and guido. The "tool" must know no cultural aesthetics.
9:39 p.m.
-If possible to measure, what makes Radiohead's music greater: the song compositions or Thom Yorke's lyrics? Were the electronic-inspired albums of Kid A and Amnesiac revolutionary or wastes of time compared to the more radio-friendly albums of Pablo Honey, The Bends, and OK Computer?
9:41 p.m.
-F.Y.I., the food is great. FML.
9:55 p.m.
-These English guys are really creeping the hell out of me. Dudes in south Jersey have nothing on these mates. Let me ask you this: are cargo man-pries, spiked hair, and spray tans acceptable on a man anywhere?
10:21 p.m.
-The highlight of my night had to be the oblivious Chinese man dancing to "Thriller." No, highlight of my year thus far.
