"College"? Nah, I'll Pass On Your Song, Brah.

   Ok, so I'm at a party tonight and I see two lovely looking women. Two absolute barn burners. Like, "let-time-slow-down" kind of women. Jeeze-oh-shit. One was blonde, shorter than me (oh my, that's a definite plus), curves like an hourglass, and a face that could've slayed Goliath. The other was a fine, oh-so-fine brunette. I could feel my heart sink in this abysmal desire that'll never rear its head towards me. 

   But I approached anyways. And I got denied, but it was worth it.

   And you know what the song was when I approached? That Asher Roth song. That one about college and the like. That one where he talks about liking girls and drinking and freshmen. Or something along those lines.

   And I can't help but feel some sort of apathy--neesh--dislike towards this song about my current state. I just can't.

   Don't get me wrong: I respect Asher Roth's steeze. Moreover, I respect his skills as an MC. He has bridged the gap--at least on an underground level--between the rappers of today and the Eminem's of old. Due to Mr. Slim Shady's absence over the past (probably) four years, there hasn't been a recognizable Caucasian rapper in that time. Any white boy who can fill the void I have to give props to. 

   Especially if he's from West Chester, PA. 

   But I just can't wrap my head around him yet. I can't give him my undivided attention because of that fucking College song. It's not possible

   Look, that "Roth Boys" jam was sick. His freestyle on BET's 106 & Park? Ballsy.

   But "College"? Mayne, that's just hackneyed.

   I know what college is about. I'm here 24/7 as of right now. I realize that freshmen at a party are about as revered as an STD on a nice-looking lady. And I understand that beer pong is a pretty awesome game. Trust me, Asher, I've played it before. And I can say with my whole heart that women are pretty bad ass. But do I need you to tell me that over a song with a limp beat and trite lyrics? Hell no, bro.

   Stick to the mixtape circuit. Stick to making great remixes of popular hits already on the radio. I recognize your talents and I support them. Don't make crappy songs about college that don't showcase your potential. 

   Anyone in college doesn't need another song glorifying the lifestyle. We all know what's up. Shit, if I want to hear a song about partying, I'll slip in Appetite For Destruction. You're about twenty-one years too late. 

   Establish yourself as one of Philly's elite. Make rhymes that made Cee-Lo astonished to meet your fratty, white ass. Don't make songs that I could've created drunk (like I am now). Because you probably were when you made it.

-Dude Observation #1: Isn't weird how every cool, beautiful girl is dating some complete chach-rocket?

-Dude Observation #2: Is it not manly to like Lily Allen? She's got some sick beats.

-Dude Observation #3: Columbus is so much better than Athens in the winter. No questions asked. At least when you don't have an ID. Actually, probably even if you do have an ID. 

Fights and European Politics

   As I sit here letting my mind wander to Wilco, I can't help but think about something: how many times do you see a fight actually escalate into an actual fight with ass-whoopings and flailing knuckles?

   I was at the University of Kentucky this past weekend and I witnessed a "fight." This "fight" was a fight in the sense that two people had a misunderstanding and some mediocre shoving was exchanged. Oh, and a few, "bro, you don't even know me"s were exchanged too (like knowing the other guy would've made any difference).

   I put the word fight into quotation marks because I don't feel as if this qualifies as a fight. But more often than not, when people discuss recent fights/spats/rows that they have with people, this is essentially what the situation boils down to: a few pejoratives, maybe some shoving and a few awkward head nods. 

   The last time I checked this barely qualifies as a fight. Hell, situations like these barely even qualify as logical disagreements. 

   I want to see a fight that involves fisticuffs, broken noses, bloodied lips, and maybe even a girl or two. 

   What do you think the success rate is for these? The success rate for a fight?

-Also, I think it's fair to say that you can easily tell the difference between American political parties and their European counterparts by looking at both regions' sports. In the American political system, it's all-or-nothing; you either win or you don't, leaving two very large political parties to rule the American political landscape. American sports are the same way: one league for each professional sport, one champion. Simple as that. In Europe, partial wins go a long way. Partial wins give representation to smaller parties allowing for multiple parties to be heard in European countries' parliaments. In European soccer leagues, a fourth-place finish gets you an UEFA Champion's League spot. If a soccer club stays in the top-flight of a country's soccer league and doesn't get relegated to a lower division, that's a payday. Isn't it weird how many parallels sport and politics possess? Shit, man.