Now I Roll In An Olds With Windows That Don't Roll.

-I've been struggling since, oh, seventh grade with this, but I still can't figure out how 50 Cent remains successful. Hell, I can't understand how he was successful in the first place.
Now, if rap industry standards mandate that you are an instantly marketable and successful artist if you carry a rap sheet and gun-toting, bitch-slaying lyrics, then, yes, I guess you could say to some extent that 50 Cent is successful.
However, I don't feel that's music industry marketing norm (just look at Cudi).
I've noticed that if you take Fitty at face value there's really nothing special about him.
His beats don't set him apart--anything from any of his albums (even from Get Rich Or Die Tryin') aren't anything that you can't find on an Eminem album, Dre's 2001 or on an album by a contemporary New York rapper (think along the lines of Dipset).
His subject material is most definitely hackneyed.
And his lyricism? It's the stuff that you'd find in a stack of 7th-grade boys' poetry projects. Think I'm kidding? Just listen to "Wanksta" and try to argue otherwise. 50's pedantic wordplay makes Soulja Boy seem incendiary.
There's nothing remotely extraordinary about him, yet he's sold millions of albums, has a pretty solid stake in Vitamin Water (about $100 million worth), an ACTING career (since these hip-hop-ish movies are all the rage with the kids now, being a rap star obviously makes you a credible thespian), and--wait for it--a condom company named Magic Stick.
With all this in mind, it's hard to fathom how 50 remains successful.
Granted, from an unbiased point of view, 75% of what could be deemed "rap" very rarely strays from the same rote subject material. I could see an initial success occurring, but a relative 8 years of success? Some one took a shot gun to my head because it's more than blown.
But when you take into consideration 50's past, it's not all-too-hard to believe. He used to hustle and he was damn good at it. Throw in a hard work ethic and a bully's mentality and he's a bonafide businessman.
Whether the music is intellectually adept is a moot point to 50; he's cornered the rap game and the music industry and milked them for all the profit that he can wrap his meaty fingers around.
It's capitalism, Wal-Mart rap--copious amounts of bubble-gum, throwaway singles that maximize your profit margin as an artist.
And for 50, that's success. That's a ticket out of Jamaica, Queens, and a livable life.
50 could care less if critics like myself think he's a hack. 50 could care less if he knows that he's a hack. Why would he? He's doing what every person in the world wants to do: make money in order to live comfortably.
And although I want to throw my Macbook through my TV every time I see his 'roided-out, impertinent grin, the man's successful. Whether I, you, or anyone else likes it or not.

-This is going to piss off at least a few people, but I'll go ahead and say it anyways: there's no such thing as "karma." Karma is a theoretical cop-out for people who cannot move on with life. Just wanted to let it be known.

-Is there any hip-hop album from this past decade that's more underrated than Common's 2005 masterpiece, BE? "It's Your World" is riveting and Kanye West's production is symbiotically sublime when coupled with Common's lyrics. Every song, top to bottom, is soulful, jazzy and more than uplifting. Check it.


God Is Love,

Rev Rub

In December Drinking Horchata.

-I think I finally pinpointed why I only tepidly and half-heartedly watch NBA games: there are way too many fouls. I don't think it's theoretically possible for an NBA game to go four minutes without having to be stopped for a foul or some infraction. Any flow of play is immediately stopped for this. It's an ADD child's worst nightmare.

-While I've pushed Chuck Klosterman on my blog countless times before, for those who have not read his book Killing Yourself To Live get on that shit. And I mean it. It covers drugs, rock 'n' roll, the New York Magazine industry, plenty of relationship loathing and Jeff Tweedy. Smells like Americana.

While there's probably a fair argument to be made that half of Klosterman's subject material is superfluous banter from a man who spends too much time watching t.v. and listening to music, his writing is not only salient but infinitely interesting to no matter who reads it--even to those Americans like my current roommate who would rather eat yogurt out of Courtney Love's asshole than read a book. If you can get your paws on a copy, pages 83-89 represent the moment of ingenuity: Klosterman's relating of Radiohead's 2000 album Kid A to the 9/11 Terrorist Attacks. Prepare to have a complete and utter mind fuck by way of the North Dakotan ginger himself.

-Will a potential player strike be a death knell for MLS? Does anyone care enough to take me up on an offer to discuss?

-How interesting would it be to see a relegation system put in place for major American sports leagues? Maybe then I'd be saved from being force-fed Nationals and Grizzlies highlights year after year on Sportscenter.

-Contra: January 11th.

I'm drained of forced creativity. Writing hypothetical questions and boredom-driven brain farts is tiresome at 11:45 on a Friday evening. I need to start varying my subject palette from Chuck Klosterman, Major League Soccer, sports and Radiohead. That's all.

God Is Love,

Rev Rub

Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal. And A Happy New Year.

-The last time I checked, MSN/Fox Sports wasn't supposed to be fucking TMZ.

Granted, the Tiger Woods Mistress saga has spread quicker than syphilis at a swingers' convention. It's exactly what Americans want: quick, easy dirt on a person of fame. Our insatiable appetite for cutting down people with fame--or power, depending on how you view Tiger Woods--only to eventually forgive them of their sin of acquiring their fame via us in the first place is the only thing that wakes us in the morning. We love building people up to tear them down only to build them back up again. As Americans, we're experts at playing moral court.

But I say we get the hell out of Tiger Woods' life.

Whatever he did isn't of our concern. The man is one of the best golfers in the world--maybe the best golfer ever. His infidelities and car accident should have absolutely no standing in our sports media.

But of course they do. Since we're a nation that's supposedly built on a foundation of a man's personal privacy, there's no better news than some person's personal news. The more famous the person, the better. The more women involved, the juicier every reported minute of the event becomes.

To hell with anything sports related anymore. Scores, trades, upcoming major events and tournaments? Neesh. Let's take a potentially career-threatening accident and turn it into a media fuckfest run amuck with hidden mistresses, spousal abuse and--of course--substances of all kinds!

Frankly it's tiresome. When did the American public feel the urge to judge whether one man's faults make or break his career? When did we decide to dig deeper than we really needed to? And who's to say that we have the right to point a dirty finger and judge?

The last time I checked, his morals and our vision of what his morals should be have absolutely no standing on his profession. Yet we hold a man's supposed list of infidelities in as high standing as his short game or his chip shot.

What a great country we live in.

-If Kevin McAllister's age in the original Home Alone was age 8 and the movie was released in 1991, then Kevin would be about 25- or 26-years-old now. Taking into account Kevin's apparent abundance of maturity during both Home Alone movies, what do you think Kevin would be like in 2009?

-Chip Tha Ripper's The Cleveland Show was released last week. Great, new stuff from Chip himself featuring appearances by Curren$y and Naledge with production by Chuck Inglish of The Cool Kids. Cool, kid.

God Is Love,

Rev Rub

It's Simple As That For Your Simple Ass.

If I were the ruler of the sports universe, here's how I would run things...

-It would be impossible for a team with a sub-.500 regular season record or a .500 record to win a professional sports league. As evidenced by Real Salt Lake's recent victory in the MLS Cup, any team who wins their respective league after slogging through the regular season just to luck into the last possible playoff spot that a particular sports league presents shows the league's flaws. Sports writers, don't give me these bullshit narratives that this team played as the underdog or that it was the team's destiny to win. That's complete horse shit. For the MLS soccer fan, they were robbed of any meaningful end of the season with a team masquerading and pretending to be champions holding that Anschutz trophy. What a crock.

-With that being said, stop this Americanized hegemony that MLS needs a playoff to remain relevant in the sporting eye. Lose the trite, consumerist playoff structure and go to the single table format. With that being applied, the true champion of MLS is Supporters' Shield Champion and regular points season champion, The Columbus Crew.

Now for the rest:

-Zydrunas Ilgauskas will lose a centimeter of his height every time he tries to take a jump shot for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

-If one claims to be a Pittsburgh Steelers fan but cannot show proof of ever living in a zip code within 40 miles of the city, a mandatory Steelers history test must be taken. It will test a fan's knowledge of the team pre-Super Bowl XXX. If failed, one would then automatically assume the title of "bandwagoner" and be sentenced to life as a Dallas Cowboys fan.

-An overwhelmingly high tariff will be imposed for any American Sports event to be played overseas, including preseason games. Also, an imposed "imperialism" tax would be placed on any team that would be created to play in an American sports league in any country besides Canada or the United States.

-No NHL team is permitted to exist south of the Mason-Dixon line. At least eight of the teams at any one given time must exist in Canada.

-All SEC, Big XII "South" and "southern" Pac-10 teams must play one team north of the Mason-Dixon Line past Thanksgiving every year. Teams south of the Mason-Dixon Line are permitted only to play teams north of the Mason-Dixon Line from the Big Ten, ACC and Big East (or Notre Dame). Also, teams south of the Mason-Dixon Line are only allowed to practice at their scheduled locations for three days prior to kickoff.

-The NFL would realign its conferences to better accommodate geographic location with the Baltimore Ravens switching to the AFC East, the Miami Dolphins switching to the AFC South and the Indianapolis Colts switching to the AFC North. The NFC would simply see the Dallas Cowboys join the NFC West and the St. Louis Rams join the NFC East.

-ESPN will make the Lou Holtz-to-Mark May ratio of speaking on College Football Live 2 to 1. However, Lou Holtz will not be permitted to speak about Notre Dame for more than three minutes at one time if Notre Dame is below-.500. Mark May is not permitted to speak at all for outlined portions of the show and must wear a "dunce" hat.

-For every "anti-soccer" rant for Jim Rome on his show, Landon Donovan will receive one free shot to kick him in the balls. On air. Live.

God Is Love,

Rev Rub

Head Full of Doubt. Road Full of Promise.

-I'm glad that the Ad Council has determined that now is the time to tackle annoying boyfriends. And that's not being sarcastic: I really am glad they've decided to address this issue. I don't think there's anything that gets under my skin more than tool-bag boyfriends. Maybe VH1 has already started to address this issue with "Tool Academy." However, I'd like to think that an actual PSA might put a halt to this kind of travesty. Remember kids, only you can prevent douschbag boyfriends.

-Anderson: Third member of Clipse?

-"Attention: Deficit" Wale's debut album. Solid debut with guest spots by Bun B, K'Naan, Lady Gaga and Gucci Mane. "Rolling Stone" gave it a 3 out of 5 stars and it's a great addition to his extensive body of internet mixtapes. D.C., Mury-land, Virginia, please stand up.

God Is Love,

Rev Rub

Wilco Will Love You, Baby.

-When will the MLS change their playoff system? And I don't want this blurb to devolve into a bitter fan complaining about a system that he/she feels is unmeasurably flawed just because his/her team that he/she fanatically supports--and who happened to be the best team in the league per regular season standings--was just upset by the last seed in the entire playoffs and whose regular season road record was 2-11-2. Like, I just don't want that. But in a league where more than HALF of the teams qualify for the postseason, when does a "home-field advantage" actually become just that? The Columbus Crew just played Real Salt Lake (the team with the horrendous road record) in a two-legged, aggregate semi-finals that gave Real a home game and provided loads of traveling in an "Eastern" Conference semi-final. Real won the first meeting and was able to carry that momentum into Columbus' home game, winning the aggregate series 4-2. Now, all credit to Robbie Findlay and Andy Williams. Top notch stuff on their parts to perform when called upon. But there should have never been a Real home game in the first place. There should have been one game, winner-take-all at Columbus. If this were a perfect world, Columbus would already be champions with a single table format. But with an Americanized playoff system for MLS, Columbus suffered mightily from a format that rewards mediocrity and turns its back on the cream-of-the-crop.

-Also, check this:

God Is Love,

Rev Rub

Here Comes That Shit Again, I've Got A Halloweenhead.

Quick thought, but...

does this season's Cavaliers team seem like foreshadowing for an ESPN Classic episode of "Top-5 Reasons You Can't Blame"? As in, "Top-5 Reasons You Can't Blame: LeBron James for Leaving Cleveland."

After an 0-2 start (the team's first since James' first season in Cleveland) and the continued incompetent showings of Ugly-Gauskis, Varejao and the rest of the funky bunch, this season seems almost too reminiscent of another "Cleveland" sports season. Granted, the season's only two games old. And, granted, I'm not an NBA--nor a Cavaliers--expert. But I'm getting this ominous feeling that an ESPN Classic episode lies in the wake of this season.

-Speaking of Cleveland, new Ray Cash mixtape is out: "Rosé Ray." Guest spots by Curren$y, Naledge and OU's Jesty Beatz. Cop it.

God Is Love,

Rev Rub.

It's From Backdrop. Read It Now.

This is an article that I wrote for Backdrop Magazine here down in Athens. For those of you who can't get this article because you're not in Athens, here you go. Thanks for supporting this blog.

The back end of the garbage truck devoured the old, brown couch like a 5-year-old massacres a celery stick. The sofa—a nostalgic, 70’s blast-from-the-past, cracked, and withered—disappeared as the garbage truck used its awesome power and rear-end loader to shove it into its mouth.

From the safe vantage point of an 1998 Oldsmobile Intrigue, watching this dismantling is cathartic.

The Waste Management employees—driver Rick Beasley with assistance from Route Manager Ted Hollingshed—diligently whipped the edifice’s waste into the butt of the monstrous green vehicle. Hollingshed—a former Waste Management driver—didn’t miss a beat in helping Beasley, even though he now works in Waste Management Corporate.

“It’s funny what kind of misconceptions you’ll hear about Waste Management drivers and garbage men in general,” Beth Schmucker, Waste Management Community Relations Manager, says from the back seat.

“They’re capable men who have been rigorously interviewed and trained to drive our company trucks.”

From watching and talking to Beasley and Hollingshed, any misconceptions about sanitation engineering seem moot.

“When people see garbage men they think it’s much dirtier of a job,” Beasley says.

Beasley mentions this before I follow him on his Athens route. He had been picking up trash since 4 a.m. His uniform is barely scuffed from the five-and-a-half hours of work he had already put in that day.

“People think it would smell bad—I was one of those people—but it’s not near as bad you think,” he says.

Beasley is a well-kept man in his early 40s. He’s donning a neon-yellow vest and brown boots. His sunglasses reflect my image as he affably explains the areas where he picks up trash.

“On Mondays I serve Greenfield, Tuesdays I serve Athens, Wednesday I go into Nelsonville, Thursday I go into Albany and Friday I serve The Plains.”

While serving each community, Beasley says there are differences between collecting trash in rural settings as compared to urban areas.

“When you’re in the city, it’s just so much quicker. In the country, it’s more driving and you’re trying to fit on these narrow, country roads. In the city it’s all about trying not to hit anything, so safety is the most important aspect about collecting trash in the city,” he says.

In the matter of an hour-and-a-half, I know more about sanitation engineering than any journalist should.

Waste Management, based in Houston, Texas, is the largest waste management company in North America. Its signature green “W” and golden “M” can be found roaming the streets from Los Angeles to Toronto to San Juan (although, ironically, they do not service the Ohio University campus).

Waste Management is leading the way in transforming waste usage in the industry. The company is starting to employ methods to not just store our waste, but also put it to use.

“Waste Management is very involved in waste energy,” Hollingshed says. “We’re one of the leaders. We’re starting to pick up the methane gas that comes up off our landfills and use that to provide power to different places. Rather than just burning it off, we’re using that gas and re-routing it into energy.”

Along with being the largest processor of waste in North America, Waste Management is also the largest recycler. Coupling with the company’s sustainability goals, Waste Management hopes to double its processing of recycled goods from seven million tons to 14 million tons by 2020.

Re-using landfill sites are also a top priority of the company.

“We are also involved with the Wildlife Habitat Council,” Schmucker says. “We’ve got 49 of our sites that are certified by the council, so we’re providing habitats for local, native wildlife and we’re reusing our land for uses other than what people conventionally think landfills are used for.”

Before following Beasley on the job, Hollingshed and Beasley recount tales of trash collections that have garnered odd discarded items. Although Waste Management collects and processes a myriad of objects, some things Waste Management cannot handle.

“The oddest thing I saw in the trash was a college student,” Hollingshed mentions. “Lucky for him, it was a rear-load dumpster, so we saw him before dealing with the trash.”

-Obama's on Letterman. True.

God Is Love,

Rev Rub

Wipe The Sweat Off My Dome, Spit The Phlegm On The Streets.

   Thanks to my J231A class, I've had my face nose-deep in current event articles for the past two weeks. I've got this fiery paranoia that I'll have an ubiquitously hard current events pop quiz every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:10 Eastern Standard Time.

   Not to say that I've never paid attention to the news. I'm a journalist for fuck's sake. But when your homepage has been Yahoo! News for the past six years, it's hard to not transition from the G-20 Summit to a woman who has been impregnated while being pregnant. Or this.

   So my journey into the greater reaches of Athens, Ohio, news begins. 

   Although I go to school in Athens, I've never really had a relationship with anything news-oriented in the area. And that's probably a shame. True.

   But I grew up in Columbus. I still dabble in Columbus from time to time. And I'm still eager to hear the juicy gossip from Columbus.

   But I'm slowly--and steadily--converting to an informed Athens citizen one story on Athensnews.com at a time.

   Does it feel good knowing things? Probably.

   However, all of this brings me to these golden nugs of info: eso y eso.

   The first article busts my balls because of the Athens Police's complete disregard for anything humane in regards to the Palmer Fest '09 "riot." Not only was the fest no worse than any other fest during the '08-'09 school year, but this article proves that the police force's reaction was a gross over-reach of power. 

   I'm not here to seem like some pissed-off youth who can't stand authority. And some things at Palmer Fest probz could've gone a little bit smoother. But c'mon. Fine a photographer and give him jail time for simply taking pictures of the event?

   That's some boo-shit. 

   Granted, Athens PD is--for the most part--pretty chill during the year. But the way they handled Palmer Fest--unnecessary and uncalled for beatings of calm attendees--was a damn shame. While us students can share part of the blame for throwing a block party that got a little out of hand, we shouldn't be the only shamed group. Sometimes the group most at fault is the group with the power. Not the one without it.

   The second article once again reminds me why I'm a Buckeye and not a Bobcat. 

   It also reminds any OU student that more people on campus are fans of other college sports teams than the good ol' Bob-kittens. 

   I'm sure that OU has pissed away a good amount of its money on more unnecessary than necessary shit over the past however many years, but cutting the school's athletic department budget will deteriorate more school spirit than it will develop.

   Here's why: intercollegiate athletics are the easiest way to foster school spirit on any campus. Peoples' boners for anything and everything school-related are very much correlated with intercollegiate athletics.

   That might be a little hyperbolic, but it's true.

   I don't give a shit about what the Bob-kitties do on any given weekend in any sport. They haven't done anything worth noting. I'm a Buckeye who happens to attend Ohio University's journalism school.

   And I'm sure throngs of students would agree with me. Our party-school-Newsweek ranking supplies our greatest source of school pride every year. School officials are more than fond of that.

   But If the powers that be cut anymore from OU's penurious athletic budget, OU's sports teams will cease to exist in the minds of any students on campus. Since 1990, OU has cut Men's swimming, soccer, track & field and hockey.

   I say that OU invest more into its athletic department--not less. A good athletic department translates to competitive teams translates to a profit translates to happy, school-centric students. Yay.

   Become at least a power in the MAC in football or basketball or whatever. Take your pick. Make contending for a MAC title the minimum every year. I'm sick of attending a school where I'm more excited about another school's sports teams than my own.

-What are your personal thoughts on mayonnaise? What makes it such an integral condiment in our food culture?

-Do you think if Tupac and/or Biggie were still living today that they would've made a subpar album by now? Are their bodies of work only important because they're dead? 

God Is Love,

Rev Rub. 

Drug Dealing Just To Get By, Stack Your Money To The Big Sky

   I don't know why the VMAs markets itself as a genuine award show. Having a cool video doesn't necessarily constitute a good song; usually it ices over a shitty song. 

   However, I continue to suck at the teet and watch the VMA's half-heartedly every year. Any programming that's live anymore tends to usually be good programming--even after a 5-second delay (tittie slips be damned).

   With that being said, Kanye West delivered the whimsical goodies this year. As three-fourths of the Facebook population already know, Kanye interrupted T. Swift's award acceptance and essentially decried her win. As far as I'm concerned, my opinion on the actual matter is inconsequential. I personally do not like Taylor Swift's music and agree with Kanye's opinion as poorly timed as his statement was.

   However, the opinion of the ACTUAL event isn't the point. What has been TRIGGERED by the event is.

1. Although I missed it (which I can't believe considering it was blaring about three feet behind me) it's important to note how quickly people commented on Kanye's moment of hubris. Within the span of five minutes, I had over 30 Facebook updates all concerning the event. This is the power of mass media, people. Without digressing into a lecture that probably would have been best served in my journalism 101 class last year, it's interesting to note how negligible information travels so quickly from laptop screen to laptop screen. I could probably go for an entire day--maybe two--without hearing about a terrorist attack, but the minute I update my Facebook I'm flooded with everyone's disgust of the Louis Vuitton Don. It's great to see the power of the media and the news. Anyways...

2. People, as much as you temporarily hate Kanye West right now, don't lie: you still like him. You still bow down to his boutique-bought Nike Dunk highs and those horrendous window-shutter sunglasses. Now I realize some don't like Kanye's music. True. Everyone will have their haters. But I will go out on a limb and testify for the majority of you that Kanye is an ingenuous musician. He produces, he raps, he nails models like a carpenter. Facebook statuses such as "Kanye, you're so off my iPod" are untrue. Not only are they untrue, but I guarantee that you'll go ahead and listen to him pretty damn soon to justify your loathe for the man from the Chi. This is his sch-tick: he's a cocky asshole. He knows it. Your mother knows it. Your Aunt Netta even realizes it. Remember his "George Bush doesn't care about black people" wunder quote? This pales in comparison. Learn to expect it.

3. Chuck Klosterman touched on this during a recent appearance on Bill Simmons' talk show for ESPN radio. He made the point that people during the wake of Michael Jackson's death used the King of Pop's death as a way to feel apart of something. He pointed out that some people--although not necessarily M.J. fans--jumped on Michael's morose bandwagon pretending to be fans just to feel in touch. His conclusion: this is the idea behind pop culture. Pop culture is a bunch of superfluous info and/or opinions that people think they need in order to feel apart of something. 

   Apply said sentiments here. 

   I can get down with a few sporadic mentions on my Facebook newsfeed about Kanye. Really, I can. But when half of my Facebook friends feel the need to bombard me with their often needless thoughts on the matter, I start to question peoples' abilities to refrain from being a human Lemming. Mull that one over for a hot second.

-Check this jam-ski on rye bread: "Hoochie Coo"

   It's Mos Def, Jim Jones, and The Black Keys all on one track. Oh yeah, and pigs can now fly. Chuuuch.

Remember: God Is Love,

Rev Rub

Don't Read This.

Here's a story that I wrote for Athens, Ohio, publication Backdrop Magazine. It hasn't been published yet because of difficulties with the website, so I thought I'd go ahead and post it on here before it gets too dated. Here it is and be sure to check out www.backdropmag.com for everything that's great about this world. Fa sho.

What Not To Do As A Freshman

-Don’t Forget To Check Your Bobcat Email Every Morning

   This little form of intra-campus communication comes in handy. I finally learned to check my email last year after I walked all the way from east green to Porter Hall to find out that my class was cancelled. And oh yeah, it was -10 degrees out with eight inches of snow on the ground. At 9 am. Don’t be a dummy. Check and respeck.

 

-Don’t Miss Slice Night

   Courtside, Wednesday nights, $0.50 per slice of cheese pizza ($0.75 per slice of pepperoni). It’s great.

 

-Don’t Walk In A Big Group Your First Weekend

   If you want to have any chance at getting into a house party your first night(s), keep the herd back in the dorm where it belongs and go out in small groups. Once your packs have successfully located and entered a party THEN reconvene. Actually, apply this rule to the entire year.

 

-Don’t Forget About That Red Brick Road…

   Here are a few fun facts about Ohio University:

1.) Ohio University was the first university founded in what was formerly called the Northwest Territories in 1804. It was the first recognized institution to be built in Appalachia, making its campus both hilly and scenic (that fall foliage really makes me melt).

2.) Nelsonville, Ohio—just up the road from Athens—was once the world’s leading producer of brick. Much of Athens, Ohio, is laid out in brick.

3.) Hills that are mainly paved over with brick do not make for a smooth walking surface. Much of the brick is uneven with gaps in between. Shoes that have pointy ends—i.e. heels—will stick in these gaps. Freshman boozing mixed with brick mixed with heels leads to lots of injuries, broken heels, and shattered dreams.

   Ladies, as much as I love seeing you do ya thang with heels on, keep in mind the potential potholes you’ll have to dodge on your quest back to your dorms.

 

-Don’t Forget About Your Stomach On Court Street

  I have a personal vice when it comes to stuffing my face after a night out on the town: Big Mamma’s. Big Mamma’s comes in handy late night (it’s typically open until 3 a.m.) and its “baby” burrito is almost the size of a Chipotle burrito for half the price ($3.25). To be completely honest, I almost prefer Big Mamma’s to Chipotle. So step your Mexican game up. Get some Big Mamma’s. Let me recommend the Chipotle Ranch Mamma with ground beef. Big Mamma’s is right by the intersection of Court and Washington, just past the Chase bank.

 

-Don’t Do This (If You Don’t Have The Means…)

   Now, if one were to have the means to enter one of Athens’ finer drinking holes, one would find that The Crystal is a popular destination for all those 21 years or older. One would find that Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights are great nights for $1.25 drafts of Miller Light, Bud Light, and Coors Light respectively. But then again, that’s only what I’ve heard.

 

-Don’t Bundle Up When Going To Bentley Hall

   Bentley Hall will destroy your self-esteem, your sweat glands, and your favorite white tee. It can be argued that it’s the hottest lecture hall on campus. It doesn’t help when 100-200 person classes exacerbate the temperature. Remember to dress not to impress but to survive when braving that ominous, brick edifice. It’s always hard to flirt with that cutie next to you with a pool of perspiration under your arm that’s the size of Lake Erie.

 

-Don’t Forget To Use Shortcuts

   Ohio University is one hell of a campus: it’s hilly, paved with brick (we’ve touched on this), and located in a valley, which means it can get hot. Discovering and abiding by shortcuts is crucial when navigating campus. My favorites: the Bryan Hall stairs shortcut from Washington/Court St. to east green; cutting across McCracken’s parking lot to Mill St.; and, of course, using the Baker Center escalators any time I need to trek to west green. 

***

-Also, get--I mean friggin' GET--the new KiD CuDi album (I still don't know why I capitalize the "d"s). It's dat new new, fire shit from Mr. Solo Dolo. He's big time now, folks.

God Is Love,

Rev Rub.

Is It To-may-to or To-mah-to?

1.   Many things can happen with drinking and getting together. There can be an amiably intoxicated scene with lots of high fives and awkward hugs, but there could also be arguing. Lots of it. And smacked beer pong cups in peoples' faces.

   And there can be a myriad of reasons why the arguing fermented in the first place: a stray arm hanging limp over the beer pong table after a shot, a debated rule in beer pong and even how many times one person can call island cup (totally a hot topic). Teen drinking brings out even the most fiery debaters.

   But what about an argument about who's the better rapper: KiD CuDi or Bishop Lamont (notice the really cool, out-of-place capital letters)? Or how about KiD CuDi versus Wale? Can you even compare?

   I don't make the question out of hubristic pride for any rapper, but I bring it up because is it even possible to compare KiD CuDi to anyone but himself? 

   Nah, you just can't.

   To even compare CuDi to anyone is against the premise of why he even began rapping in the first place. Take for example "Man On The Moon (The Anthem)": "I'll play all my stuff for everybody and they'd give me feedback and they'd be like, 'yo, why your shit sound so different? Why it sound so different' like it's a bad thing. And I'd be like, 'why not?'"

   Besides the fact that "Man On The Moon (The Anthem)" could call out CuDi on being the most self-conscious rapper in the game, it also calls to attention to the fact that he's not in it to be Jeezy or Young Buck or Weezy. He's out there to be CuDi--as dumb as that sounds.

   And it works. It definitely works. 

   Now granted, I understand that every rapper out there does his own thing to make a name for himself. Everyone in life markets him/herself in his/her own way. You have to or else your product is going to look out-dated, superficial and unoriginal. 

   I also understand that CuDi's flow is--to say the least--different and that his music is most definitely eclectic in its roots. He's not going to be flowing like Jay anytime soon. 

   But that's what he wants: to be DIFFERENT. D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T. You can't compare his music to anything else that's out there because that's not why he created it in the first place. His uniqueness in regards to the rest of hip-hop is the key element to his success.

   It's also probably why my roommate this past year actually enjoyed listening to him (my ex-roommate doesn't necessarily "get down with" hip-hop, f.y.i.). 

   So to compare him to Bishop Lamont is not only incorrect but missing the point. 

   In the end it's all just day 'n' night (hooray for cliché conclusions).

2. Count me on the Wiz-Khalifa bandwagon. What up, Shittsburgh?

God Is Love,

Rev Rub

It's The Weirdo Again, Pack My Bags, Head Up To The 'Land.

1. So I noticed this the other day. Lemme go Jerry Seinfeld on your ass: what's up with these "haha"s and "lol"s after everything we say via text? Are we really that funny or do we just try to humor ourselves every time we say something somewhat witty?

   I ain't hatin'. I do it all the time, for sure. Everyone does in order to lighten up the mood in an otherwise objective message. But does a text such as, "I'm broke and heading to a bar doesn't seem like a good idea in order to conserve money HAHA," seem like a sentence to warrant such a hilarious response? Let me know because apparently it was funny enough to shit my pants and elicit "HAHA."

2. Fire Bradley. It shouldn't be such a hackneyed response by now.

3. Is there any better website than hulu.com? Everyone--if you haven't already--please watch Arrested Development at said website. It'll change your life. I swear it.

4. And please cop anything you can by Clipse. Till the Casket Drops is about to be released. It'll show why you need to come to sermon when Pusha T and Malice speak. Truth.

What's A Darius? (Cont.)

http://msn.foxsports.com/soccer/story/9869638/It's-been-a-wild-ride-this-summer-for-American-fans

-For all of the U.S. Men's National Soccer Team fans out there. This is as close to the truth as it comes. No matter some of the wins, fire Bradley and the rest of his regime. He needs to go. God have mercy on the team August 12th.

What's A Darius?

   MTV, I have to applaud you once again. For the 'enth time you've created something so mesmerizing to watch while I eat my fruit salad at 4 in the p.m. that I sit in front of the boob tube like a crackhead watches his pipe light up. It's that eager, filial anxiousness that gets me up and going every mid-afternoon for my daily lobotomy provided by you, Music Television.

   So instead of another juicy dating show, you give me this nugget: Is She Really Going Out With Him? Oh you, you witty, ingenuous cable broadcast network, you. What a fucking brilliant concept. It's no wonder Dire Straights wanted their MTV so bad. Is it love? Nay. Infatuation. 

   However, I have a few problems with the show. Here's how I feel this show could go from great to grand:

1. Don't get me wrong, I love--I mean LOVE--that almost every episode deals with some fucked couple from Northern New Jersey. Not to be stereotypical, but is there any better region of the country where the colloquial customs and preconceived generalizations of the "alpha" male are so fucking funny? 

   "'Ey, An-tony, let's go get some fucking broads down at the strip club. I just got back from tanning and my 'air is looking so fucking good! Where's the fucking vadka?"

   The womens' nasaly voices are just as fantastic. And don't get me wrong, the hipster-wannabe dudes from Los Angeles and the episode of that trashball in the rock band was fantastic, but how about we broaden the douchebag scope? 

   Now, I know everyone already has an automatic image of some some dude in a fitted hat with a Tapout shirt (maybe a cut-off); bronzed body; and gelled, spiky hair as their default chach-rocket, but c'mon now. Let's broaden our d-bag horizon here and extend it to all parts of the country. I believe that the douchebag really has no given face, function, or flex; they come in all shapes, sizes, and hairstyles. MTV, diversify your subjects in coming seasons by sampling all regions' douchebags.

2. Ditch the narrator. I understand that these guys are fucks. I get it. I don't need the constant badgering by the wannabe-Brit narrator. Half the time, the narrator ends up sounding like a bigger douchebag than the actual guys. Make it filmed more like a documentary with commentaries from the girls. It's called Is She Really Going Out With Him? for a reason. Let her add the reflections as necessary.

3. Does this show now create the benchmark for how we are to perceive and classify guys as worthy of a girl's time? And does the simple fact that a guy may be tan or lift weights continually or may not be the next Kafka deem him a douche? And isn't it ironic how we, the audience, are to judge these guys, yet we may possess our own douchebag-like qualities? I'm sure I have a few. 

   It seems almost somewhat portentous on MTV's part to play God on what is attractive and what isn't. And wasn't the portentousness on the males' part what made them douchebags in the first place? It seems almost like an oxymoron to me. However, that may be nitpicking a little too much. 

   But it does create good discussion points on what works and doesn't work in relationships.

   So thank you, MTV, for throwing me this visual T-bone. How do you do it? I don't know. But I'm all the more thankful that you bust your channel-49 ass in on my day everyday.

So I think I'll go home and mull this over before they jam it down my throat.

 

Still High-Two Steppin' It, Do It For the Capital, Wale-Ovechkin.

1. I'm probably going to catch a lot of shit for this, but bear with me (that you means you as well, Arch, Eamonn): but when was I supposed to feel personally slighted by steroid use in professional baseball? When was I supposed to feel that I had been morally and righteously wronged by men like Rafael Palmeiro and Jose Canseco?

   Granted, I'm not a huge baseball fan. I can get into the spirit of the game and I don't doubt the game as this country's national past time. I also acknowledge that my entire argument against not caring about steroid use in baseball has some holes--the ends just don't meet yet.

   However, the media's treatment of this subject makes me feel as if I personally had been done wrong, like these professional athletes robbed me of everything I own. And I think this witch hunt to find who has used and who supposedly hasn't is ridiculous; it's not that detrimental to everyone's existence.

   I approve of suspending players for positive tests. But that is only because it is now against the rules. However, degrading and villainizing those whose results from 2003 and before leaked shouldn't be just frowned upon but simply accepted as fact. Said player used steroids knowing the side-effects. But it wasn't illegal and therefore was an accepted form of training--as unorthodox as baseball Puritans view it.

   I could go on and on, but I'll leave it there (I know I've already set some people's hair a-flame after a few paragraphs). It's a slippery slope from here, but as far as I'm concerned, A-Rod's stats are legit. Especially if he's followed the rules since 2003.

2. Does this dialogue make sense:

   "I never gave a fuck. I never gave a fuck about what n****s thought about me. I mean, I did, but like, fuck it. You know what I'm sayin'?"

-Kid Cudi, "Man On The Moon (The Anthem)"

   Maybe a little Cudi ambivalence?

3. Take a step back and imagine this: say you park your car and run into the store. When you come back out, you find that someone has broken into your car, but instead of stealing something they simply committed suicide in your seat.

   Riddle me this: would you feel complimented that someone decided to commit suicide in your car? Disregard the fact that the person is dead; however, focus on the fact that, although they could've killed him/herself at another location, he/she instead decided to kill him/herself in your motorized vehicle. Is that a compliment?

4. Is there any better song that combines narrative structure and incendiary wordplay than Biggie's song "Gimme Tha Loot"?

   "Crazier than a bag of fucking angel dust, when I bust my gat motherfuckers take dirt naps. I'm all that and a dime sack, where the paper at?"

5. Finally, shout-out to my man Billy Darby working hard to put these songs together. Check 'em and support Kahmal Music: http://www.myspace.com/kahmalmusic.

Mazel Tov.

Boo-yah-kah-sha.

1. Everyone please watch Michael Jackson's "You Rock My World" and tell me how ridiculous the video is seven years after its release. However, much love, M.J.

You Rock My World

2. What's your definition of a good day? Ice Cube's "Today Was A Good Day" or Nappy Roots' "Good Day"?

3. 'Atta boy, Donovan, well 'en. 

I Mean Mug You, Transformers.

There are a few things in life that push my buttons; a few things that really "rile" me up:

1.) Teen mothers on Facebook who feel the need to address their "haters" although they have about fifty pictures of themselves bonging beers and looking like hot, steamy, estrogen-crashed messes.

2.) Mothers at soccer camps who send emails to your boss saying that your use of terminology such as "sucks" and "shit" is entirely inappropriate even when not directly addressing their kids. And even when you're not directly coaching that child.

3.) Snobbish Bright Eyes fans. 'Nough said.

Let's also add to this list of guilty displeasures the movie Transformers. No, actually, let's be more broad: let's add every summer slop-buster that are shoved down our throats every single burnt-skin, humid, belligerent summer.

   For those of you who have recently seen my Facebook status and Peter Travers incredible, enlightening review of Michael Bay's latest catastrophe, my disdain for this movie is more than palpable: it's tangible. Simply tangible. 

   As far as what's wrong with the movie itself, the review speaks volumes on it in a few paragraphs. The "no-star" rating should be the review's concise abstract for those without the attention span to muster 600 words of reading.

   So let me address those of you who have succumbed to the "dude, I love seeing stuff blow up" or "Megan Fox is so hot" or "it's just 'cool'" rationalizations to watch Transformers.

   The following reasons are why I loathe, distaste, and am full of contempt for movies such as Transformers. Our $200 million reasons why I--in general--don't go see many movies anymore.

1.) Movies are forms of art. They are on the same level of subjectively imbued, meaning creators as novels, poems, and paintings. A Hitchcock film is the same as a Hemingway short story.

   Movies such as Transformers run this vision of art into the ground. They use their $200 million Hollywood budgets and senseless explosions to take a ginormous shit on what should be a medium to inspire, interpret, and educate. Transfomers does none of these (although, I would be open to discuss that they "inspire" 13-year-old boys everywhere to masturbate after seeing Megan Fox).

2.) They allow certain directors--Michael Bay--and actresses--Megan Fox--to remain employed while little Johnny's dad down the street with a college degree can't find a job. These movies rely more on the "shock-and-awe" factor than on the actual intangibles and technicalities of acting and directing feature films.

3.) I'm all for capitalism, but someone has got to draw the line between movies and obsessive, endless advertising. I want to enjoy my movie, but at the same time I don't want to know that I can win Shia LeBeouf's Mustang by eating more Burger King. I don't want to know that VH1 actively endorses the movie. I don't want to know that the closest Megan Fox will ever get to my ass is by my buying the limited-edition, Transformers toilet paper. It's redundant, ridiculous, and annoying. I know this is the future of Hollywood advertising, but it's sad to see that such American consumeristic greed permeates from something that used to--at least seem--so much less gaudy.

4.) If I really wanted to see so many things blow up, I can watch the Iraqi War news coverage on CNN.

It sucks that this movie will more than likely receive poor reviews from movie critics but will be almost embraced by the general public. I'm sure the movie will rake in just as much money as the last shit-show in the series giving Michael Bay another opportunity in the film business. But I guess that's exactly what it is: business. Unfortunately, it's business that's about as big and apathetic as Megatron.

June Thoughts.

When Trying Simply Isn't Good Enough... Don't Try At All   

   I'm tired of the U.S. Men's National Team. I'm tired of their consistent run of form in not only perfecting the ability to half-ass 90 minutes, but also the ability of trouncing on my nationalistic soccer pride. Great win today, but what about the previous four matches? Loss at Costa Rica 3-1. Salvaged win to Honduras 2-1 on home soil. Dismantled by Italy 3-1. Annihilated by Brazil 3-0. Two of the four goals came from penalty kicks. Two costly red cards. The list of detrimental statistics could go on and on, but let me conclude on this: as a supporter of the Yanks, it's suffocating to watch your team continue to play the same uninspired kickball game after game. 2-0 wins over CONCACAF minnows and African, Asian, and European backwaters are not viable victories and should not be applauded. There are numerous players whose national team careers are way past done (*cough* Beasley *cough*) and management whose time should never have been given a chance in the first place (*cough* Bob Bradley *cough*). No matter the result against Spain on Wednesday, I'm fearful for my team's status at next year's zenith of the soccer universe. There needs to be a grave restructuring in the national team system if the United States is to see any results at next year's World Cup.

Facebook Ghosts

   Take a second and think about this: if someone dies and holds a Facebook, Myspace, and/or Twitter account and no one else knows said perished person's password, what becomes of said perished person's networking site? Does the profile just remain in a static state or can you report the incident and have the profile taken off? 

If Ohio Is For Lovers, Then Florida Must Be For Winners (Like Western PA)

   Has anyone ever taken the time to think about the victors over the last few losing Ohio sports teams in major championships? And I don't mean the actual winning teams themselves, but the locations of the winning teams. In 1997, it was the FLORIDA Marlins who beat the Indians in the World Series. In 2007 it was the UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA Gators over the Buckeyes in the BCS Championship. Ditto in that year's NCAA basketball championship as well. In 2009, it was the ORLANDO Magic over the Cleveland Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference Finals. Is there a theme to this? 

   I potentially see this coincidental string of events as a potential microcosm for precipitous declines in population and economic activity in Ohio and the increases in both areas in Florida. While that may be nitpicking a little bit too much, it's interesting to see that we're not just losing people, capital, and a decent image of our state to those in the state of Florida, but we're also losing to their sports teams as well. It's a damn shame that we're not only Pittsburgh's bitch but now we're also Florida's. Way to go, Ohio. 

Mexican Pirate Booze Cruises.

This post is unbelievably delayed, but not posting it at all would be a travesty to anyone who reads this blog. 

The following is a stream-of-consciousness re-telling of my thoughts while sailing on a pirate-themed booze cruise in the Gulf of Mexico during my recent spring break trip to Cancun, Mexico. That long sentence should provide enough expository information for anyone to enjoy this post. 

***

7:30 p.m.

-Charging people $70/person for an all-you-can-drink pirate-themed booze cruise and steak dinner is the smartest pirate economic decision since Disney decided to throw Jerry Bruckheimer another bone to make Jack Sparrow look like Keith Richards.

7:47 p.m.

-This cruise seems like it'd be a really shitty Jimmy Buffett B-side.

8:15 p.m.

-Officially on the boat. The guy sitting next to me looks like he could be Kurt Russell's stunt double from "Captain Ron."

8:30 p.m.

-I see every character from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" on this cruise. Do you think this cruise has been officially licensed by Disney? If it hasn't, how "pirate" is it that this cruise operates without Disney's consent? Now that's a cruise that sticks to its theme.

8:44 p.m. 

-I can't tell if the people working actually vehemently hate the job or not. I'm mixed lives. FTL (fuck their lives).

8:55 p.m.

-This cruise is gay. Like, G-A-Y. "Mamma Mia!" gay. We just went from our captain who looks like a Mexican John Waters singing Prince to having the entire ship line dance to Rick Astley. 

9:00 p.m.

-Can I kick it?

9:13 p.m.

-Had we lost the Mexican-American War, would Mexico be considered a world-economic power due to its holding of more land and resources? or would it continue to struggle due to internal corruption?

9:15 p.m.

-I just mixed tequilla and Corona Extra with lime. I don't think my drink could be more Mexican if I gave it a sombrero and paid it to re-shingle my roof.

9:36 p.m.

-The group of "lads" sitting adjacent to me prove it is actually possible to be English and guido. The "tool" must know no cultural aesthetics.

9:39 p.m.

-If possible to measure, what makes Radiohead's music greater: the song compositions or Thom Yorke's lyrics? Were the electronic-inspired albums of Kid A and Amnesiac revolutionary or wastes of time compared to the more radio-friendly albums of Pablo Honey, The Bends, and OK Computer?

9:41 p.m.

-F.Y.I., the food is great. FML.

9:55 p.m.

-These English guys are really creeping the hell out of me. Dudes in south Jersey have nothing on these mates. Let me ask you this: are cargo man-pries, spiked hair, and spray tans acceptable on a man anywhere?

10:21 p.m.

-The highlight of my night had to be the oblivious Chinese man dancing to "Thriller." No, highlight of my year thus far.

Steinbeck and Three Fountain Green.

   It's funny how literature pops up oddly in our everyday lives. It really is. Those books that our English teachers force down into our stomachs during high school actually do have resonance outside of those jail-cell walls.

   

   This past summer I read John Steinbeck's "East of Eden" and enjoyed the hell out of that book. The story and the characters in that book are sublime--American Lit gems that only Mr. Steinbeck could concoct. And I find it funny that in the past six months, my life has played almost exactly out to the plot of "East of Eden" as if Athens were early-20th century Salinas, California.

   

   It's hard to believe that such characters depicted in novels--especially "East of Eden"--can exist. They're imaginary, right? They exist only in the context of our minds and allegories. 

   

   But if you take the time to think about it, these characters aren't merely symbols: they're people we've come to know in real life. 

   

   It's also funny to find yourself playing the victim in this case (shit, in your own story).

   

   So maybe I need to find my own Adam Trask-style catharsis. But maybe in reading "East of Eden" I suddenly know what I've needed to do all along about Kate. 

   

   Thanks for that, John. 

   -Also, for those of you who haven't checked Speakeasy's review of my fellow dorm mates's band, Three Fountain Green, please read the story:  http://www.speakeasymag.com/entertainment/music/2009/mar/11/three-fountain-green-combines-passion-music-unique/.

   Great article about a great up-and-coming Athens band. Much love, 3FG.

Trees.

I think that people make up some of the most bullshit allegories when it comes to interpreting life. Who in the hell needs so many ways to decipher what's real in life and what isn't? Do we need so much Dr. Phil garbage stuffed down our throats on a daily basis?

As trite as it is, such allegories define us. There's never a simple way to understand our surroundings and there's never a clear-cut way to make meaning out of life's hurdles. It's human nature to create these symbols (thanks, Stan). We love, we hate, we lust, and we yearn for what we have and don't have. It's simply human--as hypocritical as I sound.

Looking out the front porch of Washington Hall, a cluster of beautiful, morose trees dot and litter East Green. Sitting on this front porch, i have noticed that these trees could easily plot one person's life. The base of the tree represents our birth and our early years--a haze of filial memories and events that aren't easy to remember, yet they inevitably lead to our later years.

But as you get further up the tree, you notice branches and wily arms that could signify our present and our future. Each branch twists off into oblivion helping to show the people and things that make us. It's nature's emblem for life. Probably hence the concept of a "family tree." 

If you think about it, you never know where these branches will start and where they will end. These branches just wind and contort into lovely or melancholy recollections of one person's path. Each branch has its own destiny, its own convoluted way of showing where a relationship will finally guide us. 

The branch could stop suddenly; a representation of something that has run its course or turned sour. A branch could continue on forever and supply us with a metaphor for something that we never want to end--or will never cease to end. 

"College"? Nah, I'll Pass On Your Song, Brah.

   Ok, so I'm at a party tonight and I see two lovely looking women. Two absolute barn burners. Like, "let-time-slow-down" kind of women. Jeeze-oh-shit. One was blonde, shorter than me (oh my, that's a definite plus), curves like an hourglass, and a face that could've slayed Goliath. The other was a fine, oh-so-fine brunette. I could feel my heart sink in this abysmal desire that'll never rear its head towards me. 

   But I approached anyways. And I got denied, but it was worth it.

   And you know what the song was when I approached? That Asher Roth song. That one about college and the like. That one where he talks about liking girls and drinking and freshmen. Or something along those lines.

   And I can't help but feel some sort of apathy--neesh--dislike towards this song about my current state. I just can't.

   Don't get me wrong: I respect Asher Roth's steeze. Moreover, I respect his skills as an MC. He has bridged the gap--at least on an underground level--between the rappers of today and the Eminem's of old. Due to Mr. Slim Shady's absence over the past (probably) four years, there hasn't been a recognizable Caucasian rapper in that time. Any white boy who can fill the void I have to give props to. 

   Especially if he's from West Chester, PA. 

   But I just can't wrap my head around him yet. I can't give him my undivided attention because of that fucking College song. It's not possible

   Look, that "Roth Boys" jam was sick. His freestyle on BET's 106 & Park? Ballsy.

   But "College"? Mayne, that's just hackneyed.

   I know what college is about. I'm here 24/7 as of right now. I realize that freshmen at a party are about as revered as an STD on a nice-looking lady. And I understand that beer pong is a pretty awesome game. Trust me, Asher, I've played it before. And I can say with my whole heart that women are pretty bad ass. But do I need you to tell me that over a song with a limp beat and trite lyrics? Hell no, bro.

   Stick to the mixtape circuit. Stick to making great remixes of popular hits already on the radio. I recognize your talents and I support them. Don't make crappy songs about college that don't showcase your potential. 

   Anyone in college doesn't need another song glorifying the lifestyle. We all know what's up. Shit, if I want to hear a song about partying, I'll slip in Appetite For Destruction. You're about twenty-one years too late. 

   Establish yourself as one of Philly's elite. Make rhymes that made Cee-Lo astonished to meet your fratty, white ass. Don't make songs that I could've created drunk (like I am now). Because you probably were when you made it.

-Dude Observation #1: Isn't weird how every cool, beautiful girl is dating some complete chach-rocket?

-Dude Observation #2: Is it not manly to like Lily Allen? She's got some sick beats.

-Dude Observation #3: Columbus is so much better than Athens in the winter. No questions asked. At least when you don't have an ID. Actually, probably even if you do have an ID. 

Fights and European Politics

   As I sit here letting my mind wander to Wilco, I can't help but think about something: how many times do you see a fight actually escalate into an actual fight with ass-whoopings and flailing knuckles?

   I was at the University of Kentucky this past weekend and I witnessed a "fight." This "fight" was a fight in the sense that two people had a misunderstanding and some mediocre shoving was exchanged. Oh, and a few, "bro, you don't even know me"s were exchanged too (like knowing the other guy would've made any difference).

   I put the word fight into quotation marks because I don't feel as if this qualifies as a fight. But more often than not, when people discuss recent fights/spats/rows that they have with people, this is essentially what the situation boils down to: a few pejoratives, maybe some shoving and a few awkward head nods. 

   The last time I checked this barely qualifies as a fight. Hell, situations like these barely even qualify as logical disagreements. 

   I want to see a fight that involves fisticuffs, broken noses, bloodied lips, and maybe even a girl or two. 

   What do you think the success rate is for these? The success rate for a fight?

-Also, I think it's fair to say that you can easily tell the difference between American political parties and their European counterparts by looking at both regions' sports. In the American political system, it's all-or-nothing; you either win or you don't, leaving two very large political parties to rule the American political landscape. American sports are the same way: one league for each professional sport, one champion. Simple as that. In Europe, partial wins go a long way. Partial wins give representation to smaller parties allowing for multiple parties to be heard in European countries' parliaments. In European soccer leagues, a fourth-place finish gets you an UEFA Champion's League spot. If a soccer club stays in the top-flight of a country's soccer league and doesn't get relegated to a lower division, that's a payday. Isn't it weird how many parallels sport and politics possess? Shit, man.  

More Thoughts.

Well shit. Speak. More thoughts from this dude.

1. Which acoustic guitar riff do you think is better? The intro to Dispatch's "The General" or the intro to Jack Johnson's "Taylor"? Both are total gnar-dog riffs. To the max. 

2. How often do you think about the people you walk by on your way to class? That is, think about the random people you see everyday during your life. The people that you pass once in your life that you'll never see again. What kind of person do you think he or she would be if you actually stopped to meet him or her? What kinds of stories/experiences would you procure from meeting such a person? Would it be worth it?

3. And finally, how do you describe your relationships with others? Are you closed-off and boarded up from the rest of the world, only sharing with those who you feel pass the test of truthfulness after twenty years of knowing one person? Or do you share with others like it's your fucking job? 

   I constantly think about how I portray myself. It's human to be insecure in such a manner. It's a hard thing to relate to someone, and for someone to open him or herself up as well. It takes a lot to trust someone, no matter who he or she may be.

   I'm optimistic. I trust people very easily (as I stated in my last blog entry).  But I think my view of humanity is justified and worth it. Even if some do not believe so at first.

   We've all met shitty people. It's a known fact and this may seem like a tangent from my previous paragraph. But it's senseless to keep such little faith in people. As my last question was posed, why do we shut ourselves off? Why do we keep people out of our situation much like a bouncer keeps an 18-year-old guy like myself out of a club?

   Everyone is insecure and that's for good reason. Everyone has so many flaws that it's not even funny. We all possess negatives in our personality that we come off as shitty people, no matter how hard we try to skew it.

   We need to embrace these flaws. Let people know who you are: for the good and the bad.

   You're denying yourself life if you do not give someone (even a complete stranger) your absolute self. It's never a good thing getting a false-image of someone during the first meeting. It's real shitty, actually.

   Let yourself be free. Let yourself be free of imitation and share yourself with another person. It's alright. 

   I've never believed in shutting yourself off from the world. Maybe it's because I've met enough people who try to continue to do just this, but in the end it's not worth it.

   You never know who you'll meet in life. 

   It's always safe to not let anyone in, to not let a person get close to you. But how do you meet people if you do such a thing?

   I say live and give your life story. Sure, you'll get hurt. And sure, you'll find people who don't agree with your principles. But in the end, you took the risk and you let people have the honest-to-fucking-God image of yourself. And you can't disagree with that. 

   And this is how you find your closest friends. Risk it and let people in. Be ballsy and grow a pair. Who gives a shit? 

   The worst that can happen is you find someone that doesn't respect you, but do you really need that person influencing your life?

   Not at all.

   Be vulnerable and step off the edge. How do you know until you've given someone a shot? 

Thoughts.

Well...balls. That break went quick.

I haven't posted in here for awhile, but I have a few things to write about today to kick off the new year. A few things that I noticed during my break that particularly struck a cord while mind-numbingly staring at the cheap, retail-fashion-lined walls of Express. Well, at least for the four weeks they consistently employed me. 

1. "You're like a rain cloud if it rained mushroom clouds, everybody hit the ground." Ryan Adams is fucking brilliant. 

   I would just leave it at that, but I don't think such an abrupt conclusion would necessarily be enough to suggest how awesome Mr. Adams' music is. 

   First, I would like to thank you, Patrick Kouskouris, for mentioning such golden, musical honey to me in the first place. Your suggestion was MUCH appreciated. 

   I don't think I've been this excited for a new artist in a long time. That's not to say that Ryan Adams is new to the music scene (he's been releasing hit albums since the mid-1990s), but he's definitely a new name to me. 

   What excites me the most about Ryan Adams isn't necessarily his sound--well that's a lie, his sound is fantastic. But it's the way that he has a song for almost any sort of mood. He's versatile, a sort of amorphous figure in alternative rock/country, blues, folk, etc. (he's got way too many genres to qualify for).

   His album Love Is Hell sounds like A Rush of Blood to the Head b-sides, had the lyrics been written entirely by Thom Yorke. He provides melancholy and truth that's so cathartic you can feel depression running down your leg like piss. I want "The Shadowlands" to be played at my funeral.

   His other albums Rock N Roll and Cardinalogy rock your colon out your throat with plenty of steel-nosed guitar. And Easy Tiger is a throwback to what made Adams so popular in the first place: good, ole' fashioned alt-country music. 

   Check him out if you haven't done so already.

2. Has anyone ever noticed that Hugh Hefner is a modern day re-incarnation of F. Scott Fitzgerald?

3. I guess it took for a good friend to cut-up on me enough to make me realize that I don't actually hate Lil Wayne. Rather, I just can't listen to him for more than four of his songs (unless those songs appeared on the Birdman & Lil Wayne album. Or Lil Wayne appears on the track with another artist in general. It gives a nice Weezy dilution).

   So, there you go. I don't actually hate him. His voice and rhythm isn't the most pleasing to me, and I still can't stand how he can go from trying to shove every syllable into one bar to trying to sound like some codeine-induced version of Allen Ginsburg. 

   It's frustrating. 

   So I don't hate him. I just think he's way overrated. 

4. I'm ashamed to be a Big Ten fan. I hope to be so liquored up on Monday night that my beer jacket turns into a beer blanket and coats my eyes from another state-wide tragedy.

5. Finally, I have to disagree with your opinion, Pfef. Ignore my original comment on your blog post yesterday. 

   For those of you who didn't read my roommate's blog yesterday, he wrote on the relationships we keep between ourselves and members of the opposite sex and how he classifies certain types of women. 

   So, Pfef, neesh. 

   Relationships in general--on a romantic or friend level--are difficult. I'm sure everyone can agree with me there.

   Determining how people are going to act, what they're like, or what they essentially mean to you--even upon first meeting--is just as difficult to determine. Women are especially hard to "classify." And I'm sure that everyone can agree with me there.

   It's not possible to determine these "winners." No matter who the woman is, all are too complex to simply group into Pfef's original categories. You never know what a person has been through and you never know how one is going to act in a certain situation.

   I feel that everyone should be assured a certain type of respect. Even a simple "how do you do?" or general amiability works. I've seen women who appear to be perfect have issues and I've seen women who seem bitchy have so much more than the cutting sarcasm that defines them upon first meeting.

   You never know who you're going to meet in life. People are so different from one another. What makes one person tick might not make another tick. You never know who you're going to find yourself making friends with or getting close to. Every person out there has a voice and has something interesting to say. In order to ascertain what that person is about takes respect--that basic, unwavering respect. Sometimes, women (or men) haven't been shown enough of that respect in the past, so they act as if they have none. That's why it's important to give everyone at least one chance, even if for a brief second.

   Now that's not to say that method is perfect; it is definitely not. But it's more truthful than simply cornering women into titles that most certainly do not define them. 

   I've most certainly fucked up relationships and friendships in the past and I've got way too many apologies to deliver. I'm probably way too open of a person for my own good, I trust easily, I'm needy, and I worry from looking into something too much. 

   But I still stick by my method. It lets you determine who you want in your life and who you don't want in your life. And that's how you should group people.

   Give respect in order to get respect. Give respect and you might just get a good friend. Give respect and you might find your future boyfriend or girlfriend. Give respect. Much respeck.

Anyways, I hope that everyone had a great New Year's. For those of you who go to OU, I'll see ya soon.