What's A Darius?

   MTV, I have to applaud you once again. For the 'enth time you've created something so mesmerizing to watch while I eat my fruit salad at 4 in the p.m. that I sit in front of the boob tube like a crackhead watches his pipe light up. It's that eager, filial anxiousness that gets me up and going every mid-afternoon for my daily lobotomy provided by you, Music Television.

   So instead of another juicy dating show, you give me this nugget: Is She Really Going Out With Him? Oh you, you witty, ingenuous cable broadcast network, you. What a fucking brilliant concept. It's no wonder Dire Straights wanted their MTV so bad. Is it love? Nay. Infatuation. 

   However, I have a few problems with the show. Here's how I feel this show could go from great to grand:

1. Don't get me wrong, I love--I mean LOVE--that almost every episode deals with some fucked couple from Northern New Jersey. Not to be stereotypical, but is there any better region of the country where the colloquial customs and preconceived generalizations of the "alpha" male are so fucking funny? 

   "'Ey, An-tony, let's go get some fucking broads down at the strip club. I just got back from tanning and my 'air is looking so fucking good! Where's the fucking vadka?"

   The womens' nasaly voices are just as fantastic. And don't get me wrong, the hipster-wannabe dudes from Los Angeles and the episode of that trashball in the rock band was fantastic, but how about we broaden the douchebag scope? 

   Now, I know everyone already has an automatic image of some some dude in a fitted hat with a Tapout shirt (maybe a cut-off); bronzed body; and gelled, spiky hair as their default chach-rocket, but c'mon now. Let's broaden our d-bag horizon here and extend it to all parts of the country. I believe that the douchebag really has no given face, function, or flex; they come in all shapes, sizes, and hairstyles. MTV, diversify your subjects in coming seasons by sampling all regions' douchebags.

2. Ditch the narrator. I understand that these guys are fucks. I get it. I don't need the constant badgering by the wannabe-Brit narrator. Half the time, the narrator ends up sounding like a bigger douchebag than the actual guys. Make it filmed more like a documentary with commentaries from the girls. It's called Is She Really Going Out With Him? for a reason. Let her add the reflections as necessary.

3. Does this show now create the benchmark for how we are to perceive and classify guys as worthy of a girl's time? And does the simple fact that a guy may be tan or lift weights continually or may not be the next Kafka deem him a douche? And isn't it ironic how we, the audience, are to judge these guys, yet we may possess our own douchebag-like qualities? I'm sure I have a few. 

   It seems almost somewhat portentous on MTV's part to play God on what is attractive and what isn't. And wasn't the portentousness on the males' part what made them douchebags in the first place? It seems almost like an oxymoron to me. However, that may be nitpicking a little too much. 

   But it does create good discussion points on what works and doesn't work in relationships.

   So thank you, MTV, for throwing me this visual T-bone. How do you do it? I don't know. But I'm all the more thankful that you bust your channel-49 ass in on my day everyday.

So I think I'll go home and mull this over before they jam it down my throat.