Wipe The Sweat Off My Dome, Spit The Phlegm On The Streets.

   Thanks to my J231A class, I've had my face nose-deep in current event articles for the past two weeks. I've got this fiery paranoia that I'll have an ubiquitously hard current events pop quiz every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:10 Eastern Standard Time.

   Not to say that I've never paid attention to the news. I'm a journalist for fuck's sake. But when your homepage has been Yahoo! News for the past six years, it's hard to not transition from the G-20 Summit to a woman who has been impregnated while being pregnant. Or this.

   So my journey into the greater reaches of Athens, Ohio, news begins. 

   Although I go to school in Athens, I've never really had a relationship with anything news-oriented in the area. And that's probably a shame. True.

   But I grew up in Columbus. I still dabble in Columbus from time to time. And I'm still eager to hear the juicy gossip from Columbus.

   But I'm slowly--and steadily--converting to an informed Athens citizen one story on Athensnews.com at a time.

   Does it feel good knowing things? Probably.

   However, all of this brings me to these golden nugs of info: eso y eso.

   The first article busts my balls because of the Athens Police's complete disregard for anything humane in regards to the Palmer Fest '09 "riot." Not only was the fest no worse than any other fest during the '08-'09 school year, but this article proves that the police force's reaction was a gross over-reach of power. 

   I'm not here to seem like some pissed-off youth who can't stand authority. And some things at Palmer Fest probz could've gone a little bit smoother. But c'mon. Fine a photographer and give him jail time for simply taking pictures of the event?

   That's some boo-shit. 

   Granted, Athens PD is--for the most part--pretty chill during the year. But the way they handled Palmer Fest--unnecessary and uncalled for beatings of calm attendees--was a damn shame. While us students can share part of the blame for throwing a block party that got a little out of hand, we shouldn't be the only shamed group. Sometimes the group most at fault is the group with the power. Not the one without it.

   The second article once again reminds me why I'm a Buckeye and not a Bobcat. 

   It also reminds any OU student that more people on campus are fans of other college sports teams than the good ol' Bob-kittens. 

   I'm sure that OU has pissed away a good amount of its money on more unnecessary than necessary shit over the past however many years, but cutting the school's athletic department budget will deteriorate more school spirit than it will develop.

   Here's why: intercollegiate athletics are the easiest way to foster school spirit on any campus. Peoples' boners for anything and everything school-related are very much correlated with intercollegiate athletics.

   That might be a little hyperbolic, but it's true.

   I don't give a shit about what the Bob-kitties do on any given weekend in any sport. They haven't done anything worth noting. I'm a Buckeye who happens to attend Ohio University's journalism school.

   And I'm sure throngs of students would agree with me. Our party-school-Newsweek ranking supplies our greatest source of school pride every year. School officials are more than fond of that.

   But If the powers that be cut anymore from OU's penurious athletic budget, OU's sports teams will cease to exist in the minds of any students on campus. Since 1990, OU has cut Men's swimming, soccer, track & field and hockey.

   I say that OU invest more into its athletic department--not less. A good athletic department translates to competitive teams translates to a profit translates to happy, school-centric students. Yay.

   Become at least a power in the MAC in football or basketball or whatever. Take your pick. Make contending for a MAC title the minimum every year. I'm sick of attending a school where I'm more excited about another school's sports teams than my own.

-What are your personal thoughts on mayonnaise? What makes it such an integral condiment in our food culture?

-Do you think if Tupac and/or Biggie were still living today that they would've made a subpar album by now? Are their bodies of work only important because they're dead? 

God Is Love,

Rev Rub. 

Drug Dealing Just To Get By, Stack Your Money To The Big Sky

   I don't know why the VMAs markets itself as a genuine award show. Having a cool video doesn't necessarily constitute a good song; usually it ices over a shitty song. 

   However, I continue to suck at the teet and watch the VMA's half-heartedly every year. Any programming that's live anymore tends to usually be good programming--even after a 5-second delay (tittie slips be damned).

   With that being said, Kanye West delivered the whimsical goodies this year. As three-fourths of the Facebook population already know, Kanye interrupted T. Swift's award acceptance and essentially decried her win. As far as I'm concerned, my opinion on the actual matter is inconsequential. I personally do not like Taylor Swift's music and agree with Kanye's opinion as poorly timed as his statement was.

   However, the opinion of the ACTUAL event isn't the point. What has been TRIGGERED by the event is.

1. Although I missed it (which I can't believe considering it was blaring about three feet behind me) it's important to note how quickly people commented on Kanye's moment of hubris. Within the span of five minutes, I had over 30 Facebook updates all concerning the event. This is the power of mass media, people. Without digressing into a lecture that probably would have been best served in my journalism 101 class last year, it's interesting to note how negligible information travels so quickly from laptop screen to laptop screen. I could probably go for an entire day--maybe two--without hearing about a terrorist attack, but the minute I update my Facebook I'm flooded with everyone's disgust of the Louis Vuitton Don. It's great to see the power of the media and the news. Anyways...

2. People, as much as you temporarily hate Kanye West right now, don't lie: you still like him. You still bow down to his boutique-bought Nike Dunk highs and those horrendous window-shutter sunglasses. Now I realize some don't like Kanye's music. True. Everyone will have their haters. But I will go out on a limb and testify for the majority of you that Kanye is an ingenuous musician. He produces, he raps, he nails models like a carpenter. Facebook statuses such as "Kanye, you're so off my iPod" are untrue. Not only are they untrue, but I guarantee that you'll go ahead and listen to him pretty damn soon to justify your loathe for the man from the Chi. This is his sch-tick: he's a cocky asshole. He knows it. Your mother knows it. Your Aunt Netta even realizes it. Remember his "George Bush doesn't care about black people" wunder quote? This pales in comparison. Learn to expect it.

3. Chuck Klosterman touched on this during a recent appearance on Bill Simmons' talk show for ESPN radio. He made the point that people during the wake of Michael Jackson's death used the King of Pop's death as a way to feel apart of something. He pointed out that some people--although not necessarily M.J. fans--jumped on Michael's morose bandwagon pretending to be fans just to feel in touch. His conclusion: this is the idea behind pop culture. Pop culture is a bunch of superfluous info and/or opinions that people think they need in order to feel apart of something. 

   Apply said sentiments here. 

   I can get down with a few sporadic mentions on my Facebook newsfeed about Kanye. Really, I can. But when half of my Facebook friends feel the need to bombard me with their often needless thoughts on the matter, I start to question peoples' abilities to refrain from being a human Lemming. Mull that one over for a hot second.

-Check this jam-ski on rye bread: "Hoochie Coo"

   It's Mos Def, Jim Jones, and The Black Keys all on one track. Oh yeah, and pigs can now fly. Chuuuch.

Remember: God Is Love,

Rev Rub

Don't Read This.

Here's a story that I wrote for Athens, Ohio, publication Backdrop Magazine. It hasn't been published yet because of difficulties with the website, so I thought I'd go ahead and post it on here before it gets too dated. Here it is and be sure to check out www.backdropmag.com for everything that's great about this world. Fa sho.

What Not To Do As A Freshman

-Don’t Forget To Check Your Bobcat Email Every Morning

   This little form of intra-campus communication comes in handy. I finally learned to check my email last year after I walked all the way from east green to Porter Hall to find out that my class was cancelled. And oh yeah, it was -10 degrees out with eight inches of snow on the ground. At 9 am. Don’t be a dummy. Check and respeck.

 

-Don’t Miss Slice Night

   Courtside, Wednesday nights, $0.50 per slice of cheese pizza ($0.75 per slice of pepperoni). It’s great.

 

-Don’t Walk In A Big Group Your First Weekend

   If you want to have any chance at getting into a house party your first night(s), keep the herd back in the dorm where it belongs and go out in small groups. Once your packs have successfully located and entered a party THEN reconvene. Actually, apply this rule to the entire year.

 

-Don’t Forget About That Red Brick Road…

   Here are a few fun facts about Ohio University:

1.) Ohio University was the first university founded in what was formerly called the Northwest Territories in 1804. It was the first recognized institution to be built in Appalachia, making its campus both hilly and scenic (that fall foliage really makes me melt).

2.) Nelsonville, Ohio—just up the road from Athens—was once the world’s leading producer of brick. Much of Athens, Ohio, is laid out in brick.

3.) Hills that are mainly paved over with brick do not make for a smooth walking surface. Much of the brick is uneven with gaps in between. Shoes that have pointy ends—i.e. heels—will stick in these gaps. Freshman boozing mixed with brick mixed with heels leads to lots of injuries, broken heels, and shattered dreams.

   Ladies, as much as I love seeing you do ya thang with heels on, keep in mind the potential potholes you’ll have to dodge on your quest back to your dorms.

 

-Don’t Forget About Your Stomach On Court Street

  I have a personal vice when it comes to stuffing my face after a night out on the town: Big Mamma’s. Big Mamma’s comes in handy late night (it’s typically open until 3 a.m.) and its “baby” burrito is almost the size of a Chipotle burrito for half the price ($3.25). To be completely honest, I almost prefer Big Mamma’s to Chipotle. So step your Mexican game up. Get some Big Mamma’s. Let me recommend the Chipotle Ranch Mamma with ground beef. Big Mamma’s is right by the intersection of Court and Washington, just past the Chase bank.

 

-Don’t Do This (If You Don’t Have The Means…)

   Now, if one were to have the means to enter one of Athens’ finer drinking holes, one would find that The Crystal is a popular destination for all those 21 years or older. One would find that Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights are great nights for $1.25 drafts of Miller Light, Bud Light, and Coors Light respectively. But then again, that’s only what I’ve heard.

 

-Don’t Bundle Up When Going To Bentley Hall

   Bentley Hall will destroy your self-esteem, your sweat glands, and your favorite white tee. It can be argued that it’s the hottest lecture hall on campus. It doesn’t help when 100-200 person classes exacerbate the temperature. Remember to dress not to impress but to survive when braving that ominous, brick edifice. It’s always hard to flirt with that cutie next to you with a pool of perspiration under your arm that’s the size of Lake Erie.

 

-Don’t Forget To Use Shortcuts

   Ohio University is one hell of a campus: it’s hilly, paved with brick (we’ve touched on this), and located in a valley, which means it can get hot. Discovering and abiding by shortcuts is crucial when navigating campus. My favorites: the Bryan Hall stairs shortcut from Washington/Court St. to east green; cutting across McCracken’s parking lot to Mill St.; and, of course, using the Baker Center escalators any time I need to trek to west green. 

***

-Also, get--I mean friggin' GET--the new KiD CuDi album (I still don't know why I capitalize the "d"s). It's dat new new, fire shit from Mr. Solo Dolo. He's big time now, folks.

God Is Love,

Rev Rub.