He Was A Diplomat's Son, Oh.

-Since Curb Your Enthusiasm ended its seventh season, I've been itching for more of that misanthropic Jew genius, Larry David. It's like a bad addiction to painkillers: once you're prescribed a modest amount to make up for your newfound apathy towards Zach Braff and everything he creates, you start inundating your hypothalamus with copious quantities of Seinfeld's comedic savant.

So in order to pass the time until that four-eyed fuck is back on the air, I've thought of a few situations that I believe could work in season 8. Granted, I'm not a screenwriter (I'm just a blogger hack), but I think these hold promise:

1. Escalator Etiquette

It's not that hard to remember: stay in your own fucking bubble. I find it hard to believe that this nearly golden rule goes to the wayside when you step on a moving set of stairs. Proper escalator etiquette requires each rider stand on opposite sides of consecutive steps--at the least. This prevents unnecessary and often awkward hand slips and crotch grinds from both sexes. I'm 5'5"--there's nothing worse than having some 6'10" Paul Bunyan dip his fly's zipper on the back of my dome-piece. Larry could take this pet peeve to the next level.

2. People Who Walk Too Slow

Another often broken golden rule: people who walk as if they should belong on AARP yet still possess the legs of a gazelle. While I'm not condoning that we all try to emulate Usain Bolt, it becomes tedious trying to pass these sloths on the way to a class I'm probably already late for. And that's too true. Their tepidness causes me to not necessarily become late for class, but ensures that I'll almost never find the perfect seat in order to only half-heartedly participate in my lecture. And this bothers me. Maybe I want to text someone about getting crappy dining hall food after class. Without a venerable position I'm utterly and completely fucked. In the direct path of the hurricane that are my professors' eyes, I'm unable to perform this function and many others that are necessary for most of my lectures: day dreaming, sexy-lady scanning and of course day dreaming. You people know who you are that force me into this kind of destitution. Fix it, pronto.

3. Having Sex In The Room While Your Roommate Is Present

This would be LD gold. For those who follow the show, Larry's sexual awkwardness is mythical (the Cheryl threesome episode, anyone?). Especially with Leon in Larry's house now, this would prove to be most satisfactory. But, c'mon, sex while your roommate is present in the room? It's like dorm room etiquette number one. At the very least it's in the top-ten. The bed was rocking so hard against my head the other night I nearly got a concussion. And I'm not OK with those slurping noises being no more than three feet from my face. I'm not.

With that being said...


God Is Love,

Rev Rub.